Posted by Marta Stelmaszak in Uncategorized
Hey, why everyone talks only about being a good or excellent translator? What if someone wants to be a really bad one? Here are some tips for those of you who are tired with trying to do your best and developing your freelance business.
1. Poor knowledge
If you really want to be a bad translator, don’t be too inquisitive in nature. If you ever feel like deepening your knowledge, quickly do something much more interesting! Never, oh never read any books, never study too hard, never spend time on learning, because your knowledge will become too broad and too specialised to be a bad translator. If you ever get this urge to learn something, kill it before it grows and spreads and ruins your bad translator’s career!
2. Laziness
Don’t work too much. Don’t practice your translation skills, because they will become all too good and you will waste all your efforts! Translate as little as you can, run away from translation activities, pretend you’re busy with your other essential activities.
3. No specialisation
As a bad translator, you can’t have any specialisation whatsoever. Specialising in one, two fields is for these geeks who can’t multitask! A really bad translator can do anything from medicine, through physics, to law and marketing. Translate everything they ask for - only then you will be a really bad translator.
4. Lack of education and certification
Who needs that after all? The only thing that counts is how cheap and fast you are! Don’t bother doing a degree in translation or getting any certificate. You can spend your precious time much more efficiently! And if you happen to have any certificates, bury them and never mention them to anyone.
5. Poor communication
Before you become a really bad translator, you have to learn one, most important thing: whatever you do, don’t communicate. Check your e-mail once a week, don’t use Proz, forums or LinkedIn, switch your phone on only for 2 hours a day. Communication is bad! Don’t let your clients pester and harass you when you work.
6. No resources
If you happen to have a dictionary, throw it away immediately! No reference materials, no glossaries, no dictionaries! Empty your work space of these disgraceful memory aiders! You don’t need them! A really bad translator translates from his or her memory. And don’t forget that the biggest sin is to use Google. Absolutely outrageous!
7. No experience
Experience spoils your natural genius and individual style. Don’t let that happen! Never learn from your previous assignments, forget about them as soon as you can. Don’t run any glossaries and don’t collect your translations in any coherent way. And remember to delete all experience from your CV!
8. No client-focus
Many good translators fail on establishing and maintaining good relations with their clients. Don’t make the same mistake! Clients are there for you, they should beg you on their knees to work for them. They need you, you are irreplaceable! Never do anything with your client in mind. It’s you. You are The Translator!
9. Bad reputation
Never meet deadlines, always deliver poor quality, don’t communicate. That will win you the worst reputation ever! And you know what you have to do? Let it spread! Make your clients so unhappy and unsatisfied that they will tell everyone they ever meet not to use your services. Great!
10. Irresponsibility
Whatever you do, make sure you never keep your word. Be as unprofessional as you can. Make your clients believe that you cannot be trusted as a translator.
How do you like it? Do you know what to do to be a bad translator now? If you find these rules useful, spread them around.
